We would like to express our sympathy and hope that this guide will offer you support and reassurance so that you feel that you are not alone.
Bereavement affects people in different ways. There is no right or wrong way to feel. You might feel a lot of emotions at once, or feel you are having a good day, and then you wake up and feel worse again. Some people say it is like waves on a beach. You can be standing in water up to your knees and feel you can cope, and then suddenly a big wave comes and knocks you down again.
Experts generally accept there are four stages of bereavement:
- Accepting that your loss is real
- Experiencing the pain of grief
- Adjusting to life without the person who has died
- Putting less emotional energy into grieving and putting it into something new – in other words, moving on.
You will probably go through all these stages, but you won’t necessarily move smoothly from one to the next. Your grief might feel chaotic and out of control, but these feelings will eventually become less intense.
Feelings of grief
Grief is as unique as you are. Each person will be affected in his or her own way because everyone is different and had their own relationship with the person who has died.
Give yourself time – these feelings will pass. You might feel:
- shock and numbness – this is usually the first reaction to the death, and people often speak of being in a daze
- overwhelming sadness, with lots of crying
- tiredness or exhaustion
- anger – for example, towards the person who died, their illness, or God
- guilt – for example, guilt about feeling angry, about something you said or didn’t say, or about not being able to stop your loved one dying
- pre-occupied with some details of the person’s last moments or the way that they died, particularly if it was traumatic.
These feelings are all perfectly normal.
Coping with grief
Talking and sharing your feelings with someone can help. Don’t go through this alone. For some people, relying on family and friends is the best way to cope. If you don’t feel you can talk to them much, it is important that you seek help.
Don’t be afraid to talk about the person who has died. People in your life might not mention their name because they don’t want to upset you so it might be worth saying you don’t mind talking about them.
Support
Amparo
Amparo provides support for anyone affected by suicide. Amparo is currently offered by telephone or video link, in person, ‘walk and talk’ or in community venues, wherever you are most comfortable.
Telephone: 0330 088 9255
Website: amparo.org.uk
Cruse Bereavement Care freephone national helpline
Staffed by trained volunteers, who offer emotional support.
The helpline is open 9:30am to 5pm Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays), with extended hours on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings until 8pm.
Telephone: 0808 808 1677
Website: cruse.org.uk
Dove Service
The Dove Service provides loss and bereavement support and can offer fast-track support if you have lost someone in a traumatic way.
Telephone: 01782 683155/ 683153
Email: enquiries@thedoveservice.org.uk
Website: thedoveservice.org.uk
Samaritans
If you are in emotional distress, Samaritans offers a 24-hour confidential telephone helpline. It is also contactable via email or in writing.
Telephone: 116 123
Text phone: 08457 90 91 92
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Staffordshire Mental Health Helpline
Telephone: 0808 800 2234
Text: 07860 022821
Email: staffordshire.helpline@brighter-futures.org.uk
Website: brighter-futures.org.uk
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS)
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide is a self-help organisation. Its aim is to provide a safe, confidential environment for bereaved people to share their experiences and feelings, enabling support to be gained and given.
National helpline: 0300 111 5065 (open 9am to 9pm)
Website: uksobs.org
Help is at Hand
Click here for useful Department of Health information following an unexpected death/suicide.
NHS support
Read this NHS support page for information on how to cope with grief after bereavement or loss.
Mental health support
North Staffordshire Combined Healthcare NHS Trust mental health services
Call the All Age Access Team on 0800 0 328 728 (option 1) 24 hours a day.
If there is an immediate risk
If you, or someone you know, are in immediate danger of serious harm, call 999 immediately. Your GP can also provide help and support.
